preparation

I was preparing for the last 2 weeks for the singing performance that I did just yesterday. I've probably been listening to the same song for more than 100 times by now!haha...trying my best to give what I have. I mean singing has always been something that I use to express myself, either through P&W songs, or even other songs...it somehow able to communicate and express the emotions/thoughts on certain things/situations..u know..hehe..

Anyway, been thinking that, man!!!! for that one simple performance, I needed to invest many hours in preparation...now I understand how stressful it can be for those perfomers who have even bigger pressure!
It was quite a stressful thing for me..haha...cos I needed myself to be sure that I have tried and done my best to execute the song, even with the limitation that I have.

Praise God! that the peace of God and His grace, that on that day, I was quite happy...I didnt forget any of the words, and just felt really happy that with Him, there is that new confidence and grace to go through all things.
You might think, why would God even care about me singing a song?such a small thing!I'm sure that God has other better thing to think about!
I can say that you are wrong!
He cares even to the smallest and the fine prints of your life...yes!! I really believe this! so that's why in everything that I do, I can come to Him in prayer, knowing that my Heavenly Father looks down from heaven and He hears me..no matter how foolish the prayer can be sometimes.
And I know that His Spirit is in me, to be with me, and I have fellowship with Him..so close and intimate.

Through it all, also made me think...
How much preparation are we investing for the eternal life to come?Are we make it such a priority in our lives and are we investing enough time and effort in building what is eternal rather than what is temporary.
Again, it's a wake up call for my heart and mind, to brush off things that are not a BIG deal...they said, Don't sweat the small stuff!

I believe it's time, starting from where we are, to begin to respond to the call of God in our lives.
And it starts with Seeking Him with all your heart, He wants everything in our lives to come under the Lordship of Christ...yes, even the small things...the fine details.
It's still a journey for me, but it's a journey worth to take. To respond and come boldly before His throne of grace. Don't let fear or shame drives you away, but again, maybe it will hurts at times, but know that God love you jealously, passionately, that He wants the best for your life.
A lot of the times, we just simply dont trust Him enough, to be able to take care of things in our lives...and there we are, trying to take things into our own hands, and things get worse, then only we come to Him again...
Eventhough this happens, also..always know that He is ever ready to receive us back when we come with the sincerity and humble heart. That is a heart that attracts God, a heart that is broken and humble before Him.

And I'm praying for all of us, that we really need to have that transparency and honesty before God...don't hide things in the dark!
Ps Wen An said this in his sermon, that "the things we hide in the dark, it will actually become the bondage in our lives."
God sees everything....deeper through out motives and desires.
So why hide?come to Him, and know that His grace is sufficient in all things.

Remember, that the truth of His word sets us free.

taste and see...

Taste and see that the Lord is good... Psalm 34:8

this truth keeps ringing in my ears, and in my heart, I knew that God is reminding me again, that the time is coming where God will once again show that He is good...
I will experience and see the goodness of God in my life :) He loves giving wonderful surprises to His children, and I can testify how His ways are the best, according to His perfect will and timing.

I think sometimes the problem is that, we are lacking in our faith to fully entrust everything into His hands, fear rob us away from the best thing..and we settle only for the good things...there are a lot of good things, but the BEST only comes from the hand of our heavenly Father, who loves to give good gifts to His children.
And sometimes we lack the patience to wait upon the Lord's timing, taking things into our own hands, and trying to accomplish our own plan, without consulting and seeking God.

It's a been a wonderful journey with my Saviour and Lord, and it's not that I have never doubted or not trusting Him...but the grace of God, who understand our weakness and limitations...continues to encourage and lift me up from my situations, even when I fail Him, His everlasting and passionate love kept me, accepted me, restored and continue to guide me.

This season of my life, felt so much closer to Him than ever before..every moment, my mind was awake to His presence, and feels so filled and full ! He is enough for me...He lives in me, and I can turn to Him at all times.
Jesus' love is so wonderful, and I am longing even more to be closer to Him...to be in the secret place with the Lord, just simply being with Him.
Closer to God's heart, is what I desire...nothing else matters.

There is always a price to pay in pursuing this intimacy with God, but it's worth it!!! I have never stop wanting more of Him, knowing Him more and to live in His presence every moment.
A new hunger, a new season of seeking the face of God...and centering my life upon Him.
When He is the center, everything else seems to fade and amazingly, it brings me to a new freedom in Him.
I know this will require me to come daily to the Cross of Christ..surrendering my life, humbling myself, repenting and being washed clean again by the blood of Christ.
And it is a choice, that starts with desire...

I dare you to make this your prayer... :)

conflicts

Today afternoon had a good time cleaning the house....wow, must be God! cleaning the house gives me joy :) hehe, used to be something I never like doing.
It's time for me to clean and tidy up my life, inside and outside.
I could really feel God was smiling at me when I rub those dirty floor, wiped the kitchen bench, the bathroom mirror, vacuuming the house..haha... seriously! You guys should try it!!! ;p

Anyway, back to what I want to say..
I had an uninterrupted time reading a Christian counselling book about
conflicts in relationship.
(Do you have this?)
Well, I do have it from time to time, and I want to understand how can we even get involved/creates conflict ourselves, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally.
I guess my point here is I want to know why, so I can get a better understanding of how to solve one...the world will be a better place without them.

Just small things that I took out of the book for us to ponder and reflect, ask God to change us and begin to recognise, that sometimes, when conflicts are unavoidable...we can first and foremost change our attitude and get it right!
When we are at peace with God, then we can get it right...so time of reflection and Holy Spirit searching our heart is crucial.

See if you recognise some of these...

Difficult behaviours :

1.Abrasive Personalities
arrogant, frequently cynical, insensitive, intimidating, inclined to explode in anger when they don't get their way.

2.Complainers
find fault with everything,very verbal but never do anything about their complaints because
feel powerless or lack of courage to take responsibility.

3.Silent-unresponsive Individuals
difficult because they say very little,rarely reveal what they think or do behind the scenes,not able to follow through their promises.

4.Negative Personalities
pessimistic attitude,criticize, refuse to cooperate or try.

5.The Know-it-all Experts
pompous, condescending,verbose,unwilling to cooperate

6.Indecisive people
never act/make decisions until they can be absolutely sure, as a result almost never take
action, also a control freak,difficult to handle, "high maintenance relationship"

grace that's sufficient

Today, it hits me...

(Romans 8:28)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose...

Again and again, this truth comes again into my life. And I felt very humbled and undeserving, knowing very well that I make mistakes, so imperfect in many ways, but the grace of God is so abounds in all situations. I thought that I could try to always do things right, hiding my flaws..but God who sees everything, lift me up in my circumstances by His grace.

It's still a mystery to me until today, how the grace of God...unmerited favor, just because the Father's heart for every single creation, the unconditional love, His embrace towards every one who would turn to Him...
What is this grace? what is this love? what my mind and heart could not comprehend..

All I can say, is "thank You, Jesus..."
I will stop trying doing things as to earn Your love, knowing that You love me, not because what I can do, but because You choose to.
I will cast all cares unto You, because I know that You care, and You want to give what's best for me.
I will acknowledge that I cant do anything on my own, I need Your grace at all times...and I know that Your grace is sufficient at all times and abounds.

rainbow

This morning on my way to work, as I was driving, my head suddenly turn to the skies..
and there it was...beautiful rainbow !! :) love it! it made my day, was smilling all the way.
And I said "Thank You, Lord..for reminding me today that You are faithful and Your promises stands!" Isn't He so beautiful?

Deuteronomy 4:24

"For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God"

This song has again reminded me how jealous God is over my heart, again and again I found God is digging real deep inside my heart, shedding His light over everything...and wanting it all! A time to surrender and lay down all things at the feet of my Maker.

I can really say, that He won't relent until He has all of me! The beauty of His grace...!

BIG GOD...small me

Job 38:1-5

The the Lord answered Job out of the storm. He said :

"Who is this that darkens My counsel with words without knowledge?

Brace yourself like a man, I will question you, and you shall answer Me.

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell Me,if you understand.

Who marked off its dimensions?Surely you know!

Who stretched a measuring line across it?

I was reading the verse and ponder about it..and felt that God was really speaking to me through this. Everytime I ask why?when?...then again I remember the greatness of God and His sovereignity over all things. And why do I ask Him why and when? when He has said that all things are made beautiful in its own time...God's time.

Again, He reminded me that I dont have to understand everything, especially when things are going in a wrong direction, and it brings you towards a journey where you didn't anticipate
before.

Times when it's easy to lose hope and focus on the cross, times in the valley, in the darkness, in the storm of life....those times when God will be who He is...the great I AM, who is present and will be..in those times, if we just turn our eyes to Him, and cling on to Him.

When we are small and weak, it magnifies how big and strong He is.

So it's a lesson to learn to trust Him, and surrender my days to come into His hand...
I believe that through times like this, just like Job, who trusted God in his unwavering faith, against all odds..and the result, God reveals Himself to him in a deeper way, and his faith grew even more...his faith was proven to be genuine, faith that did not burn when it went through the fire of trials and testing.

Job 42:1-2,5-6

Then Job replied to the Lord:

"I know that You can do all things, no plan of Yours can be thwarted."

"My ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen You. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes"

broken and empty

If I can say what God is desiring of me at this moment, is that for me to be broken and empty. I remember the prayer I made quite a while ago : I want to have His heartbeat, and to have a heart of love and compassion...just like Jesus, out of His love for us, that He did what He did..

And God is working that in my life, I believe...who knows the ways that God use to accomplish His plan, that I can never fully figure out or understand. But one thing I believe, that it is the best...
Even now, I still dont understand why the hand of God is upon me, breaking the shell of pride, selfishness, and pulling out the root of my fleshly desires...and when He put them in the light, when He alllows me to see them...a deeper realisation of how ugly, unworthy, undeserving I am..
Before a Holy God...I am just nothing.I had to come in repentance of my sins, because only towards Him that I will only sin.Before a Holy and Righteous God, how can I brag about my good deeds and who I am?

I feel so small...and God is so big..once again I come to experience the glimpse of the majestic and glorious of who He is.I know that there's still more than this...
And in the presence of a Holy God, I began to tremble...realising that how fragile our life is, and if it's not by the mercy and grace of God, we are doomed!

How can one be wise in his/her own eyes...in the presence of One who made the universe and everything in it?

How can one be strong in his/her own strength...in the presence of Almighty God who sits on the throne, with all the dominion and powers at His feet?

How can one say that he/she is good...in the presence of Holy and Righteous God who is perfect in all His ways, and there is no darkness at all in Him?

Now I understand why David said in Psalm 51:17...
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God You will not despise.."

Somehow in our lack, we are filled...in our brokeness, we are restored...in our loneliness, we are comforted....the grace of God that is made perfect in our weakness.

In times like this, when I know that hand of God is upon me, I will rejoice...why need to be downcast O, my soul? put your hope in God, Your Saviour...and rejoice :)

Love Letter from WiddlyTinks.com

grace overflows

Lately God is doing something in my heart, wanting to bring a real change of my character. The more I want to be good, but the bad always comes out..the more I want to do good, but instead always does the wrong thing! I wonder why it seems that when I want to turn left, but I found myself taking the right turn.....duh!

But somehow in the midst of my own chaotic world, I know that God is up to something.And in the midst of all that, faith is the only thing I have.Trying to move forward in the midst of uncertainties, and continuing the hope and His promises for my life.

And I began to see the light...that He is really wanting to do the real work in my life,showing me that I really need Him for that change. And nothing in my own stregth is good enough to do that.
The more He shows me who I really am, in the light of who He is...man!! the only way to describe is, really feel like a "worm"..small, ugly, and ...dont really like what I see...
Not that I dont love myself, but when I see the sin in my heart, my heart just grieves...and as much as I dont want to sin, but knowing that it lives inside me, always at war with what the Spirit of God wants to do...**sigh***

Tonight during PM, I felt so unworthy, the feeling that I am very small, in the presence of a Holy and Almighty God...feeling sinful, and just very small...
Then it comes...the grace overflowing from the throne of heaven, filling up every fiber of my being.Just couldnt help but to cry...felt so undeserving, and at the same time, knowing that His love will never leave me.

His grace tells me that I am loved, it tells me that I've been forgiven, accepted, and being made clean.And it's not because of who I am or what I do, but simply because of what He has done.
There in that place, I found peace again and the love of God that so deeply touched me and will continue to show itself in my life..this I really believe.

So I know now, that His grace will be made sufficient in my life. And as I offer my life to Him, then I know that I am in a good hand of my Maker :)

The best thing is..this grace is freely given to whoever needs it.