the past one week

From last week Wednesday until this week Friday, I was officially sick!haha!that would be my 1st record of being sick that long.really not nice, staying at home, feels weak and all you want to do is sleep.those were the times when I really wanted my Mom to be here :p

Many things I've learned during that time :

1) Now I know what a sick person goes through, seriously..sometimes you take health for granted, and when you get really sick like that, then you begin to take it more seriously. So I promise God and myself, that I will..be extra careful in looking after myself, that includes no more too late nights!!!!

2)On Friday last week, I thought I was recovering...and I just simply take pride that I could take care of myself well and I dont need anyone else. Haha, I was wrong about it..just on Sunday morning waking up with chest pain, and I was crying all over (such a baby, yes..I know..)and the 1st person I rang was Boy!yeah, I knew I could count on him at all times :) thank u, bro!!
And then two wonderful sisters sent me and accompany me in the hospital, they even visited and cooked porridge for me :) the wonderful love of the family of God.
Hehe...it was like simply God proves me wrong, about not needing other people...yeah :) thank you, Lord, for again teaching me..that we need each other.

"In a world where selfishness is what is all about...I dont need you, and you dont need me..let's just live our lives well for ourselves, me myself and I first, and that all that matters...*sigh*...where love has grown cold, and what's left is just love for self...God says it otherwise, we need to learn to love one another, put others above ourselves, always think of how we can meet the needs of other people..." well, something that I always pray for, to have the love of God growing in my heart..

3)I realised how blessed and loved I am by God. how fortunate that God has placed me in a good family, and good place like Australia, having the family of God around me...
and when I'm sick, I have access to medications, food, all that I need to recover...
Just had some thoughts when I was praying for my sickness...how many people out there, who died, simply because they dont have access to medicine and food?who would look after them?aren't we God's children are also responsible to look after the orphans and widdows?isn't this the religion that God approves?
where has the sense to fight for injustice has gone?isnt's that reflecting who God is?the God of justice?why aren't our heart breaking anymore when we hear and see these things happening in the world?

All the questions stays in my mind...I dont have all the answers...

Lord, please break our hearts...don't let it grow cold, fill it with Your compassion..let love be the reason behind everything that we do. Help us to live our lives that will bring glory to Your name.

Remind us, Lord...that we are here on a mission, to be Your hands, Your feet, Your mouth, Your everything...reflecting who You are!I pray this over everyone who are reading this right now..do a deeeper work in our hearts, Lord..In Jesus name, Amen! :)

sick..

Yah, today I have fever and headache, feeling very miserable actually in the morning...*sigh*
Waking up every 15 minutes, which feels like been hours...and finally at 11am I got up from my bed, trying to have something to eat, eventhough I have no appetite at all.

All I could think of is...Do I have the *pig* syndrome?hahaha...yeah, sometimes I found myself exagerating too much of a small thing.
Anway, when seeking God, was really praying and rebuking the flu to go away..haha...
In that moment, I just knew that God is with me, and even if I have to go through some terrible sickness, well, I'm not afraid....I'm ready to go through it, simply because God will be there with me.

So went to this doctor at Sunnybank, and he advised me to take Panadol and have plenty of rest. I was banned from working for the next 2 days...hmm..should I rejoice??haha...but not when you're sick though... :(
Hopefully the next 2 days will be fruitful..planning to do some house work, watch DVD, read books...today managed to get plenty of groceries and cooked some porridge. Hahaha...I like to be prepared :p

Hmm..time to relax now... :)

fix my eyes...

To fix my eyes on Jesus...

Something that I've been trying to do again and again, it's a constant awareness and reminder in my life, when I'm in the storms of life. When life brings uncertainty and confusions, again, it's like a wake up call to my heart, to once again look to Jesus.

When I come to Him with my questions, He didn't give me the answers, rather, He would gently turn my focus and attention back to Him...and it's wonderful how His peace would surround me and no longer that an answer is needed, but the fact that Jesus is there with me.

Yeah, it's always been a mystery and wonder, the ways of God in our lives, that I think it's too high for our small brain to comprehend.
There's always a need to seek, to behold, and to have a revelation of the God we serve.

And I always feel that God loves it when we seek Him, when we simply trust Him, when we come like little children, who just would have faith in who He is.

Today, had a chat with a beautiful woman of God, even it was short, but it was enough to remind me again that God is good, and that He is working in people's lives, responding and always reaching out to them...in the hope that they may find Him and seek Him.
She said this about God, whom we cannot ever be understood and discovered fully, just because the awesomeness and bigness of who He is, even I cant really explain with words who He really is.....except for some aspects that I have experienced in my life or the revelation of Him in different moments of life.

The thought that God is so so much more..and there's far more greater things about Him, wonderful, beautiful, amazing things...kind of stir my heart to want to seek Him more, to discover Him, to know Him, that would be a great priviledge and enough reason to live for.
And it excites me to know that God is wanting, perhaps waiting to be found...and to reveal who He is...

I really want to know ...this Saviour, who has died and redeemed me, who promises a life of abundance and purpose....intimately, like never been before, to share what's in His heart.

I consider it a priviledge, to be able to enter into His presence...a reminder to give thanks, not to take it for granted...and at all times, I need to tremble in His presence, fear Him, love Him, wholeheartedly and committed to Him.
For God sees the heart of men, and I want to be found, as a daughter, who is looking and fixing her eyes to her Saviour, Jesus...to behold Jesus is to behold the Father.

I want this intimacy, more than anything else...

expression of the heart

Sometimes I can't find the words to describe how I feel....

Well, this song express it all..

preparation

I was preparing for the last 2 weeks for the singing performance that I did just yesterday. I've probably been listening to the same song for more than 100 times by now!haha...trying my best to give what I have. I mean singing has always been something that I use to express myself, either through P&W songs, or even other songs...it somehow able to communicate and express the emotions/thoughts on certain things/situations..u know..hehe..

Anyway, been thinking that, man!!!! for that one simple performance, I needed to invest many hours in preparation...now I understand how stressful it can be for those perfomers who have even bigger pressure!
It was quite a stressful thing for me..haha...cos I needed myself to be sure that I have tried and done my best to execute the song, even with the limitation that I have.

Praise God! that the peace of God and His grace, that on that day, I was quite happy...I didnt forget any of the words, and just felt really happy that with Him, there is that new confidence and grace to go through all things.
You might think, why would God even care about me singing a song?such a small thing!I'm sure that God has other better thing to think about!
I can say that you are wrong!
He cares even to the smallest and the fine prints of your life...yes!! I really believe this! so that's why in everything that I do, I can come to Him in prayer, knowing that my Heavenly Father looks down from heaven and He hears me..no matter how foolish the prayer can be sometimes.
And I know that His Spirit is in me, to be with me, and I have fellowship with Him..so close and intimate.

Through it all, also made me think...
How much preparation are we investing for the eternal life to come?Are we make it such a priority in our lives and are we investing enough time and effort in building what is eternal rather than what is temporary.
Again, it's a wake up call for my heart and mind, to brush off things that are not a BIG deal...they said, Don't sweat the small stuff!

I believe it's time, starting from where we are, to begin to respond to the call of God in our lives.
And it starts with Seeking Him with all your heart, He wants everything in our lives to come under the Lordship of Christ...yes, even the small things...the fine details.
It's still a journey for me, but it's a journey worth to take. To respond and come boldly before His throne of grace. Don't let fear or shame drives you away, but again, maybe it will hurts at times, but know that God love you jealously, passionately, that He wants the best for your life.
A lot of the times, we just simply dont trust Him enough, to be able to take care of things in our lives...and there we are, trying to take things into our own hands, and things get worse, then only we come to Him again...
Eventhough this happens, also..always know that He is ever ready to receive us back when we come with the sincerity and humble heart. That is a heart that attracts God, a heart that is broken and humble before Him.

And I'm praying for all of us, that we really need to have that transparency and honesty before God...don't hide things in the dark!
Ps Wen An said this in his sermon, that "the things we hide in the dark, it will actually become the bondage in our lives."
God sees everything....deeper through out motives and desires.
So why hide?come to Him, and know that His grace is sufficient in all things.

Remember, that the truth of His word sets us free.

taste and see...

Taste and see that the Lord is good... Psalm 34:8

this truth keeps ringing in my ears, and in my heart, I knew that God is reminding me again, that the time is coming where God will once again show that He is good...
I will experience and see the goodness of God in my life :) He loves giving wonderful surprises to His children, and I can testify how His ways are the best, according to His perfect will and timing.

I think sometimes the problem is that, we are lacking in our faith to fully entrust everything into His hands, fear rob us away from the best thing..and we settle only for the good things...there are a lot of good things, but the BEST only comes from the hand of our heavenly Father, who loves to give good gifts to His children.
And sometimes we lack the patience to wait upon the Lord's timing, taking things into our own hands, and trying to accomplish our own plan, without consulting and seeking God.

It's a been a wonderful journey with my Saviour and Lord, and it's not that I have never doubted or not trusting Him...but the grace of God, who understand our weakness and limitations...continues to encourage and lift me up from my situations, even when I fail Him, His everlasting and passionate love kept me, accepted me, restored and continue to guide me.

This season of my life, felt so much closer to Him than ever before..every moment, my mind was awake to His presence, and feels so filled and full ! He is enough for me...He lives in me, and I can turn to Him at all times.
Jesus' love is so wonderful, and I am longing even more to be closer to Him...to be in the secret place with the Lord, just simply being with Him.
Closer to God's heart, is what I desire...nothing else matters.

There is always a price to pay in pursuing this intimacy with God, but it's worth it!!! I have never stop wanting more of Him, knowing Him more and to live in His presence every moment.
A new hunger, a new season of seeking the face of God...and centering my life upon Him.
When He is the center, everything else seems to fade and amazingly, it brings me to a new freedom in Him.
I know this will require me to come daily to the Cross of Christ..surrendering my life, humbling myself, repenting and being washed clean again by the blood of Christ.
And it is a choice, that starts with desire...

I dare you to make this your prayer... :)

conflicts

Today afternoon had a good time cleaning the house....wow, must be God! cleaning the house gives me joy :) hehe, used to be something I never like doing.
It's time for me to clean and tidy up my life, inside and outside.
I could really feel God was smiling at me when I rub those dirty floor, wiped the kitchen bench, the bathroom mirror, vacuuming the house..haha... seriously! You guys should try it!!! ;p

Anyway, back to what I want to say..
I had an uninterrupted time reading a Christian counselling book about
conflicts in relationship.
(Do you have this?)
Well, I do have it from time to time, and I want to understand how can we even get involved/creates conflict ourselves, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally.
I guess my point here is I want to know why, so I can get a better understanding of how to solve one...the world will be a better place without them.

Just small things that I took out of the book for us to ponder and reflect, ask God to change us and begin to recognise, that sometimes, when conflicts are unavoidable...we can first and foremost change our attitude and get it right!
When we are at peace with God, then we can get it right...so time of reflection and Holy Spirit searching our heart is crucial.

See if you recognise some of these...

Difficult behaviours :

1.Abrasive Personalities
arrogant, frequently cynical, insensitive, intimidating, inclined to explode in anger when they don't get their way.

2.Complainers
find fault with everything,very verbal but never do anything about their complaints because
feel powerless or lack of courage to take responsibility.

3.Silent-unresponsive Individuals
difficult because they say very little,rarely reveal what they think or do behind the scenes,not able to follow through their promises.

4.Negative Personalities
pessimistic attitude,criticize, refuse to cooperate or try.

5.The Know-it-all Experts
pompous, condescending,verbose,unwilling to cooperate

6.Indecisive people
never act/make decisions until they can be absolutely sure, as a result almost never take
action, also a control freak,difficult to handle, "high maintenance relationship"

grace that's sufficient

Today, it hits me...

(Romans 8:28)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose...

Again and again, this truth comes again into my life. And I felt very humbled and undeserving, knowing very well that I make mistakes, so imperfect in many ways, but the grace of God is so abounds in all situations. I thought that I could try to always do things right, hiding my flaws..but God who sees everything, lift me up in my circumstances by His grace.

It's still a mystery to me until today, how the grace of God...unmerited favor, just because the Father's heart for every single creation, the unconditional love, His embrace towards every one who would turn to Him...
What is this grace? what is this love? what my mind and heart could not comprehend..

All I can say, is "thank You, Jesus..."
I will stop trying doing things as to earn Your love, knowing that You love me, not because what I can do, but because You choose to.
I will cast all cares unto You, because I know that You care, and You want to give what's best for me.
I will acknowledge that I cant do anything on my own, I need Your grace at all times...and I know that Your grace is sufficient at all times and abounds.

rainbow

This morning on my way to work, as I was driving, my head suddenly turn to the skies..
and there it was...beautiful rainbow !! :) love it! it made my day, was smilling all the way.
And I said "Thank You, Lord..for reminding me today that You are faithful and Your promises stands!" Isn't He so beautiful?

Deuteronomy 4:24

"For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God"

This song has again reminded me how jealous God is over my heart, again and again I found God is digging real deep inside my heart, shedding His light over everything...and wanting it all! A time to surrender and lay down all things at the feet of my Maker.

I can really say, that He won't relent until He has all of me! The beauty of His grace...!

BIG GOD...small me

Job 38:1-5

The the Lord answered Job out of the storm. He said :

"Who is this that darkens My counsel with words without knowledge?

Brace yourself like a man, I will question you, and you shall answer Me.

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell Me,if you understand.

Who marked off its dimensions?Surely you know!

Who stretched a measuring line across it?

I was reading the verse and ponder about it..and felt that God was really speaking to me through this. Everytime I ask why?when?...then again I remember the greatness of God and His sovereignity over all things. And why do I ask Him why and when? when He has said that all things are made beautiful in its own time...God's time.

Again, He reminded me that I dont have to understand everything, especially when things are going in a wrong direction, and it brings you towards a journey where you didn't anticipate
before.

Times when it's easy to lose hope and focus on the cross, times in the valley, in the darkness, in the storm of life....those times when God will be who He is...the great I AM, who is present and will be..in those times, if we just turn our eyes to Him, and cling on to Him.

When we are small and weak, it magnifies how big and strong He is.

So it's a lesson to learn to trust Him, and surrender my days to come into His hand...
I believe that through times like this, just like Job, who trusted God in his unwavering faith, against all odds..and the result, God reveals Himself to him in a deeper way, and his faith grew even more...his faith was proven to be genuine, faith that did not burn when it went through the fire of trials and testing.

Job 42:1-2,5-6

Then Job replied to the Lord:

"I know that You can do all things, no plan of Yours can be thwarted."

"My ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen You. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes"

broken and empty

If I can say what God is desiring of me at this moment, is that for me to be broken and empty. I remember the prayer I made quite a while ago : I want to have His heartbeat, and to have a heart of love and compassion...just like Jesus, out of His love for us, that He did what He did..

And God is working that in my life, I believe...who knows the ways that God use to accomplish His plan, that I can never fully figure out or understand. But one thing I believe, that it is the best...
Even now, I still dont understand why the hand of God is upon me, breaking the shell of pride, selfishness, and pulling out the root of my fleshly desires...and when He put them in the light, when He alllows me to see them...a deeper realisation of how ugly, unworthy, undeserving I am..
Before a Holy God...I am just nothing.I had to come in repentance of my sins, because only towards Him that I will only sin.Before a Holy and Righteous God, how can I brag about my good deeds and who I am?

I feel so small...and God is so big..once again I come to experience the glimpse of the majestic and glorious of who He is.I know that there's still more than this...
And in the presence of a Holy God, I began to tremble...realising that how fragile our life is, and if it's not by the mercy and grace of God, we are doomed!

How can one be wise in his/her own eyes...in the presence of One who made the universe and everything in it?

How can one be strong in his/her own strength...in the presence of Almighty God who sits on the throne, with all the dominion and powers at His feet?

How can one say that he/she is good...in the presence of Holy and Righteous God who is perfect in all His ways, and there is no darkness at all in Him?

Now I understand why David said in Psalm 51:17...
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God You will not despise.."

Somehow in our lack, we are filled...in our brokeness, we are restored...in our loneliness, we are comforted....the grace of God that is made perfect in our weakness.

In times like this, when I know that hand of God is upon me, I will rejoice...why need to be downcast O, my soul? put your hope in God, Your Saviour...and rejoice :)

Love Letter from WiddlyTinks.com

grace overflows

Lately God is doing something in my heart, wanting to bring a real change of my character. The more I want to be good, but the bad always comes out..the more I want to do good, but instead always does the wrong thing! I wonder why it seems that when I want to turn left, but I found myself taking the right turn.....duh!

But somehow in the midst of my own chaotic world, I know that God is up to something.And in the midst of all that, faith is the only thing I have.Trying to move forward in the midst of uncertainties, and continuing the hope and His promises for my life.

And I began to see the light...that He is really wanting to do the real work in my life,showing me that I really need Him for that change. And nothing in my own stregth is good enough to do that.
The more He shows me who I really am, in the light of who He is...man!! the only way to describe is, really feel like a "worm"..small, ugly, and ...dont really like what I see...
Not that I dont love myself, but when I see the sin in my heart, my heart just grieves...and as much as I dont want to sin, but knowing that it lives inside me, always at war with what the Spirit of God wants to do...**sigh***

Tonight during PM, I felt so unworthy, the feeling that I am very small, in the presence of a Holy and Almighty God...feeling sinful, and just very small...
Then it comes...the grace overflowing from the throne of heaven, filling up every fiber of my being.Just couldnt help but to cry...felt so undeserving, and at the same time, knowing that His love will never leave me.

His grace tells me that I am loved, it tells me that I've been forgiven, accepted, and being made clean.And it's not because of who I am or what I do, but simply because of what He has done.
There in that place, I found peace again and the love of God that so deeply touched me and will continue to show itself in my life..this I really believe.

So I know now, that His grace will be made sufficient in my life. And as I offer my life to Him, then I know that I am in a good hand of my Maker :)

The best thing is..this grace is freely given to whoever needs it.

my prayer

My prayer is not that God takes away all my troubles, but that He will set me free from myself.....
The more I see myself and what's inside of me, I am grieved...and I dont really like what I see, not a pretty sight. And the more I realise that I need His Holy Spirit to work through me, to change me, and to help me. The more too I realise how fragile and weak my heart and human spirit is, and without His grace, I'd be lost and confused..not sure where would I end up.

My prayer is not that God protects me from all troubles, but that He will break the inside of me, so that I will die to myself, only having the life of Christ in me. The constant struggles inside, between my flesh nature and the Spirit life. At times, I am weak, made mistakes, wrong choices, following the flesh...and again, I am grieved. I cry out to Him who is able to save me and give me the strength to overcome...Jesus...the name above all names, My Saviour alone...Lifegiver...Comforter, who is forever faithful, loving and just.
How I desire to be more and more like Him...

And now my prayer is that, He will cleanse my everyday, work through my heart that it will become pure and blameless, filling it with a desire for Him..To know His heart more, that I may too have a heart like His...a heart filled with compassion and love.
I know I have a lot of work to do, and God has a lot to do too...but I do believe with all my heart, that He will grant me the strength and grace all the way, as I lean upon Him.

My prayer too that I will not live my life just for myself, but that as God breaks, mould,change, and matures...it will be a fragrant offering, outpouring to others.To be blessing and encouragement to as many people as possible.

Now, Lord..please help me.

resting

Had a really good of rest today.... and just being able to enjoy the presence of God without any distractions! Still learning to cast all my cares unto Him, and the more I do, the lighter my burdens are, and the more rest that I have in my heart.Problems and uncertainties seems not to matter anymore, and everythings fades away in the light of who He is.

It's a daily decision that I need to make, now...will try to remind myself, to always..at the end of the day, to cast all my cares for the day to Him..and taking the rest that He intend me to have in Him. There is so much peace that overflows when I'm in that place of rest with Him, the peace that surpasses all understanding, goes beyond everything else. It stills my heart, to be attentive to listen to Him, to what He wants to speak.

Felt that He is calling me closer...deeper...yes, it will come with a price.I guess I've resolved that I am willing...and I know that whatever things that I may go through, it will be worthwile.I know at times that my flesh may be weak, but I am confident in the Spirit that's in me. He will be my Helper and Counsellor.

Friends...take His yoke and rest in Him, cast all your cares unto His, for the simple fact that He cares for you, more than you can ever imagine.

nothing..

nothing really satisfies, but being in the presence of God

there is a deep sense of awe, holiness, love, grace, and mercy....

fill the heart so much, that the flesh can't take it

and all I can do is weep...

when God made you...

Encouraged myself today through His promises over my life. Again and again I do need to remind myself, because worries and distractions can take over the focus on Him.
Hmm...listened to beautiful songs, written by a couple who has trusted God to provide and to make a way for them. Through their faith in God, they are now able to testify about the faithfulness of God and how everything works out for His good purpose for our lives.

It's one of my heart desire, to see Jesus work through every area of my life, so that my life can bring Him glory. Giving the pen of my life to Him, and allow Him to write the best story ever...I have nothing to loose, when I have Jesus..nothing to fear, when I have Jesus..nothing I can't give, when I have Jesus...and nothing I can't have, when I have Jesus.

Jesus, my all in all...

(from the song) this I want to say ...
"When God made you, He must have been thinking of me too.." ^_^

here with me..

It has been rather a quiet times in my life, good that I have more time to ponder about stuff. After OC, trying to digest and apply things in my life about what God has spoken.
Challenging to really do things, and to keep it consistent...need the grace of God..a lot!!

So getting back into the routine of life, the repeated cycle of work and weekends, was affecting me a bit. Felt a bit restless for a while, well..I really almost can't stand routines for too long..haha..just need some new things. So God has really helped me a lot in how to be still before Him and to wait on Him on a lot of things and decision making.

Today, He reassures me that He is with me. And I could really feel His embrace, His presence, His love..very much in me.Once again He make known His presence in my life, when times I forget and not aware of Him.
Made me realise that I've not been looking and fixing my eyes upon Jesus, and a lot things in life,ministry, goals and plans, can really clutter my mind and heart, until there's no more room for Him, just Him, without other things attached.
I began to really ask God to once again search my heart, and to create again that broken and contriteness of heart towards Him...and again, I realise, that I may want so many things to feel fulfilled, but one thing that I really need, is Him in my life..more and more.

Listened to a sermon by John Bevere just now, and again, God was speaking to me..and again, I needed to repent and come back to Him, and began to seek Him again in a deeper way.

Time to seek the face of God...

I'm Back! A Note for the New Year!

Haihh...it's been a while since the last time I wrote on this blog.

Still having my holiday here in Indo with family, next week leaving to KK, Singapore and KL, before I return to Brissie...hope the weather will be cooler by then.

Been having a really great time here with family..man!! there's none like them!!! I praise God for them, been really fortunate to have my mom and dad, bro and sis who never stop looking after me...they are priceless!!!

The past year has been a wonderful year, lots of things happened, made some mistakes, learn so much, and thank God that I'm still where I am, and by God's grace, been able to just continue to walk, and follow where He is leading...maybe I've turned left and right, made some detours, u-turns, still...all I can see is the mercy of God again and again... thank you, Jesus :)

Well, this year I felt God is challenging me to believe that He is all that I need! Everything that I need, yup...still learning the art of letting go and let God.. :)
I know in my heart that no matter what happens, God is there with me, and I will see Him through the eyes of faith, not through my natural eyes and senses.
Learning that no mater how quiet God may seems, and how dark the days ahead, but God is still God, He is still who He says He is....the Great I Am, the past, present and future...from the beginning to the end....
Learning to cling on His word and let faith guides, it feels like walking in the dark, but yet, you know it somehow that each step that you take will land on a firm ground...you tripped and fall sometimes, but yet, there's still a road ahead where the feet will step on towards the journey ahead, the hope of reaching to the final destination, where finally the light shines, and the eyes see that it has been worthwhile to continue the journey and not giving up!

Anticipating what the year will bring...believing for the goodness and the hand of God even more upon my life...

Praying for those who are waiting upon God, that this year will bring a new revelation of His goodness and grace upon your life...

Time to sleep now..hehehe...