sick..

Yah, today I have fever and headache, feeling very miserable actually in the morning...*sigh*
Waking up every 15 minutes, which feels like been hours...and finally at 11am I got up from my bed, trying to have something to eat, eventhough I have no appetite at all.

All I could think of is...Do I have the *pig* syndrome?hahaha...yeah, sometimes I found myself exagerating too much of a small thing.
Anway, when seeking God, was really praying and rebuking the flu to go away..haha...
In that moment, I just knew that God is with me, and even if I have to go through some terrible sickness, well, I'm not afraid....I'm ready to go through it, simply because God will be there with me.

So went to this doctor at Sunnybank, and he advised me to take Panadol and have plenty of rest. I was banned from working for the next 2 days...hmm..should I rejoice??haha...but not when you're sick though... :(
Hopefully the next 2 days will be fruitful..planning to do some house work, watch DVD, read books...today managed to get plenty of groceries and cooked some porridge. Hahaha...I like to be prepared :p

Hmm..time to relax now... :)

fix my eyes...

To fix my eyes on Jesus...

Something that I've been trying to do again and again, it's a constant awareness and reminder in my life, when I'm in the storms of life. When life brings uncertainty and confusions, again, it's like a wake up call to my heart, to once again look to Jesus.

When I come to Him with my questions, He didn't give me the answers, rather, He would gently turn my focus and attention back to Him...and it's wonderful how His peace would surround me and no longer that an answer is needed, but the fact that Jesus is there with me.

Yeah, it's always been a mystery and wonder, the ways of God in our lives, that I think it's too high for our small brain to comprehend.
There's always a need to seek, to behold, and to have a revelation of the God we serve.

And I always feel that God loves it when we seek Him, when we simply trust Him, when we come like little children, who just would have faith in who He is.

Today, had a chat with a beautiful woman of God, even it was short, but it was enough to remind me again that God is good, and that He is working in people's lives, responding and always reaching out to them...in the hope that they may find Him and seek Him.
She said this about God, whom we cannot ever be understood and discovered fully, just because the awesomeness and bigness of who He is, even I cant really explain with words who He really is.....except for some aspects that I have experienced in my life or the revelation of Him in different moments of life.

The thought that God is so so much more..and there's far more greater things about Him, wonderful, beautiful, amazing things...kind of stir my heart to want to seek Him more, to discover Him, to know Him, that would be a great priviledge and enough reason to live for.
And it excites me to know that God is wanting, perhaps waiting to be found...and to reveal who He is...

I really want to know ...this Saviour, who has died and redeemed me, who promises a life of abundance and purpose....intimately, like never been before, to share what's in His heart.

I consider it a priviledge, to be able to enter into His presence...a reminder to give thanks, not to take it for granted...and at all times, I need to tremble in His presence, fear Him, love Him, wholeheartedly and committed to Him.
For God sees the heart of men, and I want to be found, as a daughter, who is looking and fixing her eyes to her Saviour, Jesus...to behold Jesus is to behold the Father.

I want this intimacy, more than anything else...

expression of the heart

Sometimes I can't find the words to describe how I feel....

Well, this song express it all..

preparation

I was preparing for the last 2 weeks for the singing performance that I did just yesterday. I've probably been listening to the same song for more than 100 times by now!haha...trying my best to give what I have. I mean singing has always been something that I use to express myself, either through P&W songs, or even other songs...it somehow able to communicate and express the emotions/thoughts on certain things/situations..u know..hehe..

Anyway, been thinking that, man!!!! for that one simple performance, I needed to invest many hours in preparation...now I understand how stressful it can be for those perfomers who have even bigger pressure!
It was quite a stressful thing for me..haha...cos I needed myself to be sure that I have tried and done my best to execute the song, even with the limitation that I have.

Praise God! that the peace of God and His grace, that on that day, I was quite happy...I didnt forget any of the words, and just felt really happy that with Him, there is that new confidence and grace to go through all things.
You might think, why would God even care about me singing a song?such a small thing!I'm sure that God has other better thing to think about!
I can say that you are wrong!
He cares even to the smallest and the fine prints of your life...yes!! I really believe this! so that's why in everything that I do, I can come to Him in prayer, knowing that my Heavenly Father looks down from heaven and He hears me..no matter how foolish the prayer can be sometimes.
And I know that His Spirit is in me, to be with me, and I have fellowship with Him..so close and intimate.

Through it all, also made me think...
How much preparation are we investing for the eternal life to come?Are we make it such a priority in our lives and are we investing enough time and effort in building what is eternal rather than what is temporary.
Again, it's a wake up call for my heart and mind, to brush off things that are not a BIG deal...they said, Don't sweat the small stuff!

I believe it's time, starting from where we are, to begin to respond to the call of God in our lives.
And it starts with Seeking Him with all your heart, He wants everything in our lives to come under the Lordship of Christ...yes, even the small things...the fine details.
It's still a journey for me, but it's a journey worth to take. To respond and come boldly before His throne of grace. Don't let fear or shame drives you away, but again, maybe it will hurts at times, but know that God love you jealously, passionately, that He wants the best for your life.
A lot of the times, we just simply dont trust Him enough, to be able to take care of things in our lives...and there we are, trying to take things into our own hands, and things get worse, then only we come to Him again...
Eventhough this happens, also..always know that He is ever ready to receive us back when we come with the sincerity and humble heart. That is a heart that attracts God, a heart that is broken and humble before Him.

And I'm praying for all of us, that we really need to have that transparency and honesty before God...don't hide things in the dark!
Ps Wen An said this in his sermon, that "the things we hide in the dark, it will actually become the bondage in our lives."
God sees everything....deeper through out motives and desires.
So why hide?come to Him, and know that His grace is sufficient in all things.

Remember, that the truth of His word sets us free.

taste and see...

Taste and see that the Lord is good... Psalm 34:8

this truth keeps ringing in my ears, and in my heart, I knew that God is reminding me again, that the time is coming where God will once again show that He is good...
I will experience and see the goodness of God in my life :) He loves giving wonderful surprises to His children, and I can testify how His ways are the best, according to His perfect will and timing.

I think sometimes the problem is that, we are lacking in our faith to fully entrust everything into His hands, fear rob us away from the best thing..and we settle only for the good things...there are a lot of good things, but the BEST only comes from the hand of our heavenly Father, who loves to give good gifts to His children.
And sometimes we lack the patience to wait upon the Lord's timing, taking things into our own hands, and trying to accomplish our own plan, without consulting and seeking God.

It's a been a wonderful journey with my Saviour and Lord, and it's not that I have never doubted or not trusting Him...but the grace of God, who understand our weakness and limitations...continues to encourage and lift me up from my situations, even when I fail Him, His everlasting and passionate love kept me, accepted me, restored and continue to guide me.

This season of my life, felt so much closer to Him than ever before..every moment, my mind was awake to His presence, and feels so filled and full ! He is enough for me...He lives in me, and I can turn to Him at all times.
Jesus' love is so wonderful, and I am longing even more to be closer to Him...to be in the secret place with the Lord, just simply being with Him.
Closer to God's heart, is what I desire...nothing else matters.

There is always a price to pay in pursuing this intimacy with God, but it's worth it!!! I have never stop wanting more of Him, knowing Him more and to live in His presence every moment.
A new hunger, a new season of seeking the face of God...and centering my life upon Him.
When He is the center, everything else seems to fade and amazingly, it brings me to a new freedom in Him.
I know this will require me to come daily to the Cross of Christ..surrendering my life, humbling myself, repenting and being washed clean again by the blood of Christ.
And it is a choice, that starts with desire...

I dare you to make this your prayer... :)

conflicts

Today afternoon had a good time cleaning the house....wow, must be God! cleaning the house gives me joy :) hehe, used to be something I never like doing.
It's time for me to clean and tidy up my life, inside and outside.
I could really feel God was smiling at me when I rub those dirty floor, wiped the kitchen bench, the bathroom mirror, vacuuming the house..haha... seriously! You guys should try it!!! ;p

Anyway, back to what I want to say..
I had an uninterrupted time reading a Christian counselling book about
conflicts in relationship.
(Do you have this?)
Well, I do have it from time to time, and I want to understand how can we even get involved/creates conflict ourselves, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally.
I guess my point here is I want to know why, so I can get a better understanding of how to solve one...the world will be a better place without them.

Just small things that I took out of the book for us to ponder and reflect, ask God to change us and begin to recognise, that sometimes, when conflicts are unavoidable...we can first and foremost change our attitude and get it right!
When we are at peace with God, then we can get it right...so time of reflection and Holy Spirit searching our heart is crucial.

See if you recognise some of these...

Difficult behaviours :

1.Abrasive Personalities
arrogant, frequently cynical, insensitive, intimidating, inclined to explode in anger when they don't get their way.

2.Complainers
find fault with everything,very verbal but never do anything about their complaints because
feel powerless or lack of courage to take responsibility.

3.Silent-unresponsive Individuals
difficult because they say very little,rarely reveal what they think or do behind the scenes,not able to follow through their promises.

4.Negative Personalities
pessimistic attitude,criticize, refuse to cooperate or try.

5.The Know-it-all Experts
pompous, condescending,verbose,unwilling to cooperate

6.Indecisive people
never act/make decisions until they can be absolutely sure, as a result almost never take
action, also a control freak,difficult to handle, "high maintenance relationship"

grace that's sufficient

Today, it hits me...

(Romans 8:28)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose...

Again and again, this truth comes again into my life. And I felt very humbled and undeserving, knowing very well that I make mistakes, so imperfect in many ways, but the grace of God is so abounds in all situations. I thought that I could try to always do things right, hiding my flaws..but God who sees everything, lift me up in my circumstances by His grace.

It's still a mystery to me until today, how the grace of God...unmerited favor, just because the Father's heart for every single creation, the unconditional love, His embrace towards every one who would turn to Him...
What is this grace? what is this love? what my mind and heart could not comprehend..

All I can say, is "thank You, Jesus..."
I will stop trying doing things as to earn Your love, knowing that You love me, not because what I can do, but because You choose to.
I will cast all cares unto You, because I know that You care, and You want to give what's best for me.
I will acknowledge that I cant do anything on my own, I need Your grace at all times...and I know that Your grace is sufficient at all times and abounds.

rainbow

This morning on my way to work, as I was driving, my head suddenly turn to the skies..
and there it was...beautiful rainbow !! :) love it! it made my day, was smilling all the way.
And I said "Thank You, Lord..for reminding me today that You are faithful and Your promises stands!" Isn't He so beautiful?

Deuteronomy 4:24

"For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God"

This song has again reminded me how jealous God is over my heart, again and again I found God is digging real deep inside my heart, shedding His light over everything...and wanting it all! A time to surrender and lay down all things at the feet of my Maker.

I can really say, that He won't relent until He has all of me! The beauty of His grace...!

BIG GOD...small me

Job 38:1-5

The the Lord answered Job out of the storm. He said :

"Who is this that darkens My counsel with words without knowledge?

Brace yourself like a man, I will question you, and you shall answer Me.

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell Me,if you understand.

Who marked off its dimensions?Surely you know!

Who stretched a measuring line across it?

I was reading the verse and ponder about it..and felt that God was really speaking to me through this. Everytime I ask why?when?...then again I remember the greatness of God and His sovereignity over all things. And why do I ask Him why and when? when He has said that all things are made beautiful in its own time...God's time.

Again, He reminded me that I dont have to understand everything, especially when things are going in a wrong direction, and it brings you towards a journey where you didn't anticipate
before.

Times when it's easy to lose hope and focus on the cross, times in the valley, in the darkness, in the storm of life....those times when God will be who He is...the great I AM, who is present and will be..in those times, if we just turn our eyes to Him, and cling on to Him.

When we are small and weak, it magnifies how big and strong He is.

So it's a lesson to learn to trust Him, and surrender my days to come into His hand...
I believe that through times like this, just like Job, who trusted God in his unwavering faith, against all odds..and the result, God reveals Himself to him in a deeper way, and his faith grew even more...his faith was proven to be genuine, faith that did not burn when it went through the fire of trials and testing.

Job 42:1-2,5-6

Then Job replied to the Lord:

"I know that You can do all things, no plan of Yours can be thwarted."

"My ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen You. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes"