2011.. a reflection

2011 has been so far interesting..with a lot of things that are happening around the world, I do believe that it is the year that we need to even go deeper into His presence.

As many things are being shaken...and sometimes even the things in our lives, our faith are being shaken, may we learn to stand firm upon His words and persevere to grab hold of His promises.

It's definitely a new year, a new season, where my hunger deepens for more of Him in my life. I have come to know Him in a new way...and He's still revealing more...there's just so much about Him that I'll never grow weary to pursue.

I find that when we learn to surrender our lives and everything into His hands, it brings you to a place of freedom and great joy! having nothing, but yet possessing all things...

There are things that sometimes we hold on so tight, sometimes..not being aware ourselves that we have become used to it, and how perhaps we build different things around our lives and have at some point, we have stopped seeking and pursuing the lover of our soul.

"Come away with me"...can you hear Him calling you back into the secret place? with such a yearn and the jealousy of His love beckoning every heart and soul to draw closer to Him, that He might make Himself known.

Such grace and love, that even in our darkest and difficult moments, He comes and wanting to make Himself known....and I pray that in those times we will seek His face, because that's where He will meet with you and answer your needs.

2011...a year where I want to be so hungry for His presence like never before!

right to the edge

Just having a thought...that at times the Lord waits until we are pushed right to the edge until we're about to fall...

then His hands would catch us and right there we see Him.

We then see His providence and saving hands...

I still believe... that those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed.

I then say to my soul, why downcast O, my soul? put your hope in God...be still and know that He is God.

an battle-full day

My first class today! :) so excited! not too sure what to expect..and oh dear how God has a different things in mind about my day today. I thought that I would just leave the house, drive there and that's about it.

Started my day with God's promises and His presence :) not knowing that the moment there I had would help me throughout the day. Had a frantic afternoon running around to get something settled, anxiety almost creep in, but I was just praying throughout..the battle for my peace.

Then started driving to Maroochydore, where the class is (haha!), it was about 115kms away, and in the highway, had this crazy blind driver almost ran into my car...had a moment there..but praise God it didn't happen...fear almost creep in...and I was praying throughout...the battle for my peace.

I realized that everyday is a battle, where our attitude must be one where we would proclaim the truth in the face of challenges, taking hold of His promises of our inheritance. The Lord was teaching me, that if I stay passive, the enemy that tries to steal, kill and destroy our inheritance would actually succeed in that. He has given us all that we need to overcome, His words that's the sword of the Spirit, and to stand, putting on the whole armor of God. Passivity and complacency will leave us defeated and helpless, where His heart is for us to be victorious and to be conquerors in Him who gives us strength.

It was an awakening in my Spirit, it's time to take hold of the inheritance of God's promises, possessing the enemy's gates and walking into the promise land.

I know that the battle has been won, now I just need to declare the victory in the face of the enemy.

Pray unceasingly for all saints, for everything and anything, in this way we are paving the way for the Kingdom to come on earth, and to carry each other's burden. What a great responsibility and privilege!

Hmm, aside from that, I had a great class meeting!! Met a group of people who are passionate about what they want to do in life, and that they are actually doing it. Learning a lot. Time where something was sparked within me...who knows what He can do through this? But need to catch up on few weeks studies..hehe...Lord, help! :)

in the secret place

The journey of trust has been a difficult yet most wonderful experience in my walk with Him.

Recently had a major changes of things in my life, how I met crossroads, seeking the Lord for a fresh new direction ahead, etc..etc..u name it! :p

Looking back, I thank God for His presence with me...a lot times, the answers are not necessarily important, but knowing that He's with me, that's sometimes enough.

So even though I'm still left with many uncertainties with the decisions that I made, but never in my life that I felt so certain of what I'm doing.

It is through this journey where I was to give up everything to Him, I mean everything...but it's a choice that I make each time. The pain of dying to self, over and over again...that's taking up the cross to really follow His footsteps. I know what the cost is, and I guess, I have decided that whatever it takes, I would say 'Yes, Lord' to whatever He ask me to, because I know that through those things, He revealed Himself more, and I'm seeing Him more in my life.

It is through this difficult journey that I've discovered a secret place, a place where I can rest, fully assured and to dwell, filled with so much of His peace and joy.And in that secret place, there's so much more...

In that secret place,i'm never so desperate and hungry for more of Him in my life before, that the quest for His presence in my life, to know Him, to hear what He's saying, what His heart beats for..it means the world to me :) and the Lord is faithful, so good...that He never disappoint me.

My very heart desire is to come closer to Him, but yet I found that it's the most scariest experience that I have ever known. To hear His heart beat when He reveals Himself, the Holiness of who He is, this tiny and fragile heart that I have, sometimes it feels like it's going to explode to pieces, the intensity of His love..no one would be able to comprehend.

Sometimes I wonder if I could live through if I come to feel what He feels..

I realize that it's all by the grace, to approach His throne and come before Him.

In that secret place, there's the Father's heart, where I felt and heard a cry...a cry for the lost, the broken, the poor. It overwhelms me many times, for I find myself helpless and useless at times, asking myself, what can I do? what do You want me to do? then I fell on my knees, and begin to express the cries of the Father's heart for the people He brought into my heart. I am crying out for the Father's will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven, as how He purpose it to be.

Can you hear the cries of His heart? Enter the secret place...it's the place where He wants you to be..

the past one week

From last week Wednesday until this week Friday, I was officially sick!haha!that would be my 1st record of being sick that long.really not nice, staying at home, feels weak and all you want to do is sleep.those were the times when I really wanted my Mom to be here :p

Many things I've learned during that time :

1) Now I know what a sick person goes through, seriously..sometimes you take health for granted, and when you get really sick like that, then you begin to take it more seriously. So I promise God and myself, that I will..be extra careful in looking after myself, that includes no more too late nights!!!!

2)On Friday last week, I thought I was recovering...and I just simply take pride that I could take care of myself well and I dont need anyone else. Haha, I was wrong about it..just on Sunday morning waking up with chest pain, and I was crying all over (such a baby, yes..I know..)and the 1st person I rang was Boy!yeah, I knew I could count on him at all times :) thank u, bro!!
And then two wonderful sisters sent me and accompany me in the hospital, they even visited and cooked porridge for me :) the wonderful love of the family of God.
Hehe...it was like simply God proves me wrong, about not needing other people...yeah :) thank you, Lord, for again teaching me..that we need each other.

"In a world where selfishness is what is all about...I dont need you, and you dont need me..let's just live our lives well for ourselves, me myself and I first, and that all that matters...*sigh*...where love has grown cold, and what's left is just love for self...God says it otherwise, we need to learn to love one another, put others above ourselves, always think of how we can meet the needs of other people..." well, something that I always pray for, to have the love of God growing in my heart..

3)I realised how blessed and loved I am by God. how fortunate that God has placed me in a good family, and good place like Australia, having the family of God around me...
and when I'm sick, I have access to medications, food, all that I need to recover...
Just had some thoughts when I was praying for my sickness...how many people out there, who died, simply because they dont have access to medicine and food?who would look after them?aren't we God's children are also responsible to look after the orphans and widdows?isn't this the religion that God approves?
where has the sense to fight for injustice has gone?isnt's that reflecting who God is?the God of justice?why aren't our heart breaking anymore when we hear and see these things happening in the world?

All the questions stays in my mind...I dont have all the answers...

Lord, please break our hearts...don't let it grow cold, fill it with Your compassion..let love be the reason behind everything that we do. Help us to live our lives that will bring glory to Your name.

Remind us, Lord...that we are here on a mission, to be Your hands, Your feet, Your mouth, Your everything...reflecting who You are!I pray this over everyone who are reading this right now..do a deeeper work in our hearts, Lord..In Jesus name, Amen! :)

sick..

Yah, today I have fever and headache, feeling very miserable actually in the morning...*sigh*
Waking up every 15 minutes, which feels like been hours...and finally at 11am I got up from my bed, trying to have something to eat, eventhough I have no appetite at all.

All I could think of is...Do I have the *pig* syndrome?hahaha...yeah, sometimes I found myself exagerating too much of a small thing.
Anway, when seeking God, was really praying and rebuking the flu to go away..haha...
In that moment, I just knew that God is with me, and even if I have to go through some terrible sickness, well, I'm not afraid....I'm ready to go through it, simply because God will be there with me.

So went to this doctor at Sunnybank, and he advised me to take Panadol and have plenty of rest. I was banned from working for the next 2 days...hmm..should I rejoice??haha...but not when you're sick though... :(
Hopefully the next 2 days will be fruitful..planning to do some house work, watch DVD, read books...today managed to get plenty of groceries and cooked some porridge. Hahaha...I like to be prepared :p

Hmm..time to relax now... :)

fix my eyes...

To fix my eyes on Jesus...

Something that I've been trying to do again and again, it's a constant awareness and reminder in my life, when I'm in the storms of life. When life brings uncertainty and confusions, again, it's like a wake up call to my heart, to once again look to Jesus.

When I come to Him with my questions, He didn't give me the answers, rather, He would gently turn my focus and attention back to Him...and it's wonderful how His peace would surround me and no longer that an answer is needed, but the fact that Jesus is there with me.

Yeah, it's always been a mystery and wonder, the ways of God in our lives, that I think it's too high for our small brain to comprehend.
There's always a need to seek, to behold, and to have a revelation of the God we serve.

And I always feel that God loves it when we seek Him, when we simply trust Him, when we come like little children, who just would have faith in who He is.

Today, had a chat with a beautiful woman of God, even it was short, but it was enough to remind me again that God is good, and that He is working in people's lives, responding and always reaching out to them...in the hope that they may find Him and seek Him.
She said this about God, whom we cannot ever be understood and discovered fully, just because the awesomeness and bigness of who He is, even I cant really explain with words who He really is.....except for some aspects that I have experienced in my life or the revelation of Him in different moments of life.

The thought that God is so so much more..and there's far more greater things about Him, wonderful, beautiful, amazing things...kind of stir my heart to want to seek Him more, to discover Him, to know Him, that would be a great priviledge and enough reason to live for.
And it excites me to know that God is wanting, perhaps waiting to be found...and to reveal who He is...

I really want to know ...this Saviour, who has died and redeemed me, who promises a life of abundance and purpose....intimately, like never been before, to share what's in His heart.

I consider it a priviledge, to be able to enter into His presence...a reminder to give thanks, not to take it for granted...and at all times, I need to tremble in His presence, fear Him, love Him, wholeheartedly and committed to Him.
For God sees the heart of men, and I want to be found, as a daughter, who is looking and fixing her eyes to her Saviour, Jesus...to behold Jesus is to behold the Father.

I want this intimacy, more than anything else...

expression of the heart

Sometimes I can't find the words to describe how I feel....

Well, this song express it all..

preparation

I was preparing for the last 2 weeks for the singing performance that I did just yesterday. I've probably been listening to the same song for more than 100 times by now!haha...trying my best to give what I have. I mean singing has always been something that I use to express myself, either through P&W songs, or even other songs...it somehow able to communicate and express the emotions/thoughts on certain things/situations..u know..hehe..

Anyway, been thinking that, man!!!! for that one simple performance, I needed to invest many hours in preparation...now I understand how stressful it can be for those perfomers who have even bigger pressure!
It was quite a stressful thing for me..haha...cos I needed myself to be sure that I have tried and done my best to execute the song, even with the limitation that I have.

Praise God! that the peace of God and His grace, that on that day, I was quite happy...I didnt forget any of the words, and just felt really happy that with Him, there is that new confidence and grace to go through all things.
You might think, why would God even care about me singing a song?such a small thing!I'm sure that God has other better thing to think about!
I can say that you are wrong!
He cares even to the smallest and the fine prints of your life...yes!! I really believe this! so that's why in everything that I do, I can come to Him in prayer, knowing that my Heavenly Father looks down from heaven and He hears me..no matter how foolish the prayer can be sometimes.
And I know that His Spirit is in me, to be with me, and I have fellowship with Him..so close and intimate.

Through it all, also made me think...
How much preparation are we investing for the eternal life to come?Are we make it such a priority in our lives and are we investing enough time and effort in building what is eternal rather than what is temporary.
Again, it's a wake up call for my heart and mind, to brush off things that are not a BIG deal...they said, Don't sweat the small stuff!

I believe it's time, starting from where we are, to begin to respond to the call of God in our lives.
And it starts with Seeking Him with all your heart, He wants everything in our lives to come under the Lordship of Christ...yes, even the small things...the fine details.
It's still a journey for me, but it's a journey worth to take. To respond and come boldly before His throne of grace. Don't let fear or shame drives you away, but again, maybe it will hurts at times, but know that God love you jealously, passionately, that He wants the best for your life.
A lot of the times, we just simply dont trust Him enough, to be able to take care of things in our lives...and there we are, trying to take things into our own hands, and things get worse, then only we come to Him again...
Eventhough this happens, also..always know that He is ever ready to receive us back when we come with the sincerity and humble heart. That is a heart that attracts God, a heart that is broken and humble before Him.

And I'm praying for all of us, that we really need to have that transparency and honesty before God...don't hide things in the dark!
Ps Wen An said this in his sermon, that "the things we hide in the dark, it will actually become the bondage in our lives."
God sees everything....deeper through out motives and desires.
So why hide?come to Him, and know that His grace is sufficient in all things.

Remember, that the truth of His word sets us free.

taste and see...

Taste and see that the Lord is good... Psalm 34:8

this truth keeps ringing in my ears, and in my heart, I knew that God is reminding me again, that the time is coming where God will once again show that He is good...
I will experience and see the goodness of God in my life :) He loves giving wonderful surprises to His children, and I can testify how His ways are the best, according to His perfect will and timing.

I think sometimes the problem is that, we are lacking in our faith to fully entrust everything into His hands, fear rob us away from the best thing..and we settle only for the good things...there are a lot of good things, but the BEST only comes from the hand of our heavenly Father, who loves to give good gifts to His children.
And sometimes we lack the patience to wait upon the Lord's timing, taking things into our own hands, and trying to accomplish our own plan, without consulting and seeking God.

It's a been a wonderful journey with my Saviour and Lord, and it's not that I have never doubted or not trusting Him...but the grace of God, who understand our weakness and limitations...continues to encourage and lift me up from my situations, even when I fail Him, His everlasting and passionate love kept me, accepted me, restored and continue to guide me.

This season of my life, felt so much closer to Him than ever before..every moment, my mind was awake to His presence, and feels so filled and full ! He is enough for me...He lives in me, and I can turn to Him at all times.
Jesus' love is so wonderful, and I am longing even more to be closer to Him...to be in the secret place with the Lord, just simply being with Him.
Closer to God's heart, is what I desire...nothing else matters.

There is always a price to pay in pursuing this intimacy with God, but it's worth it!!! I have never stop wanting more of Him, knowing Him more and to live in His presence every moment.
A new hunger, a new season of seeking the face of God...and centering my life upon Him.
When He is the center, everything else seems to fade and amazingly, it brings me to a new freedom in Him.
I know this will require me to come daily to the Cross of Christ..surrendering my life, humbling myself, repenting and being washed clean again by the blood of Christ.
And it is a choice, that starts with desire...

I dare you to make this your prayer... :)